Money Matters

The leading cause of fights between couples is money. Ironically it is also the topic many couples avoid talking about. It is not a surprise that money is often listed in the top 10 reasons for divorce.

It's hard to have a happy marriage when you have continuous stress over money. This stress spills over into other areas of your marriage as well.

A recent study released last week showed that four in ten Americans can’t cover and unexpected $400 expense.

Last week I had a $430 unexpected plumbing expense. I was annoyed but just wrote the check, no stress.

After my first divorce as a single dad with two kids with 50/50 custody I freaked out when I figured out after three months that I was spending more than I made!

By pure luck about the same time I heard this crazy guy with a Southern accent on the radio, Dave Ramsey. I listened for a week, went online and signed up for his Financial Peace course being offered at a local church.

By the end of the 13 weeks almost half the class had dropped out or stopped coming.

I am part of the Dave Ramsey cult. I paid off 27,433.11 in debt in just nine months. Other than mortgages I was debt free for the first time in 20 years and no longer running at a deficit each month.

While writing this article I'm sitting in my paid for house and I do not owe a single dollar to anyone in the world. I am not bragging it's just a statement of fact.

I was not always this way; I use to be normal which meant I spent all the money that came into the house with my wife and then as a single guy. Credit cards, car loans etc.

The advantages of living a debt-free lifestyle are many not the least of which is peace of mind. It allows me to have a good monthly budget amount planned for vacations. I take at least two trips if not more year.

This year my hiking trip is a week in Iceland then this fall to Ireland with friends for ten days. By planning and budgeting for the trips everything is paid for in advance and cash is used along the way.

There's nothing worse than a dream vacation turning into a nightmare when $1,500 of credit card bills following you home.

There are disadvantage as well. I don't drive a new car, I drive a car that meets my needs that I paid cash for.

One problem is we don't teach any financial skills to kids in high school. We teach trigonometry but not how to balance a check book. That is changing as Dave Ramsey has designed a financial literacy course that is taught in a significant number of high schools throughout the country now. If nothing else will give the kids a baseline education in finances, budgeting and the dangers of debt.

Money issues are a common theme with many of the guys on the forms and men’s groups that I am part of. They have both money and marital problems.

One spouse often handles all the money issues and the stress that goes with it. With men if there are big issues it is not uncommon for them to not to tell their wife as they try to fix it. They mean well but when the car gets repossessed or the house foreclosed on it causes significant damage to the relationship and creates a lot of trust issues.

I would recommend Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace course as part of premarital counseling because you need to be on the same page as your spouse when it comes to money. If you are married it’s a great way to get you both on the same page financially.

If you are already married what are the keys to financial success?

Communication, budgeting and having a joint vision. From there the Dave Ramsey principles will serve you well.

· Live on a budget get out of debt.

· Have an emergency fund.

· Live on less than you make.

· Sit down together as a couple and figure out a budget.

It also means occasionally having to say no to things she wants but doesn't need. As a man it means you must follow the budget and say no to yourself also.

After becoming debt free I was one of the first instructors to teach Financial Peace at my church. What I learned doing this shocked me. Many couples told me that the class had improved their marriages as they now could talk about money without arguing. This came from long term couples that everyone thought had “great marriages”.

This goes with a study that showed that 87% of those who felt they had a “great” marriage work together to set long-term goals for their money.

If you want or need help with this feel free to reach out to me.

What legacy do you want to leave when you die? A financial mess requiring your kids borrow money for your funeral, or having an estate that can allow them to pay off their houses, fund your grand kids’ college funds, after you have lived a generous and wonderful life?  

It’s never too late to get started.

Top 10 things women find sexy!!!! Part 1

When I thought of writing this article, I realized what better way to find out what women find sexy then to ask some of the sexiest women I know! So that is what I did.

I reached out to more than ½ dozen women range from 40’s all the way up to 60’s and beyond. Trust me you would be lucky if you got to date any of them. You wish you could date these women. Not to brag but I am dating one of them! Yes I know how lucky I am.

Now this survey was not scientifically formatted. I just sent these wonderful women an email asking them to help with an article I am writing and to tell me what they find sexy in man. Some gave a paragraph, some a few lines, some gave a full page! Most gave a list of items that came to their mind.

While some things that you will read over the next two weeks involves sexy physical or intimate behaviors, but more than half the things they listed that make a man sexy had nothing to do with sex.

So here is the top 5 things women find sexy list and then some of the specific comments from them. Part II will have the rest of the list next week.

1. Confidence

2. Sense of humor

3. Direct eye contact

4. Sensual touches

5. Listening/conversation skills.

Confidence:

Confidence was mentioned by all the women! Confident but not cocky. Said almost verbatim by half of the women. Specific comments: Confidence, a guy who is sure of himself. I have a strong personality, so I look for confidence and strength.

A few specifically said they did not want a pushover. Guys don’t be arrogant, women want a centered, self-confident man, not an asshole.

Sense of Humor:

Women want a man who can make them laugh! Specific comments: a guy who can make me laugh, humor!!!, humor and laughter but not at the expense of others. Good sense of humor. This was mentioned by almost every woman!!!!

Eye Contact:

This did not surprise me, but some of their comments made me go hmmmm. Specific comments: Look into my eyes when they are on top of me. Gazing deeply into my eyes and telling me without a word that you want to make love. Making eye contact and telling me you want me. A flirty gaze from across the room, kind eyes to lose myself in, making eye contact.

Look at her when you talk to her. Look at her when she talks to you. Look at her when you make love to her. Look at her when you are having sheet drenching sex! Put down the damn phone! You know why they want you to look into their eyes? They can see your confidence, lust, desire……..and even distaste.

Sensual Touches:

Guys physical touching was mentioned one way or another by all the women. Many of the touches they talk about let them know how much you care for them and desire them. Specific comments: Sensual touches even if it doesn’t lead to more at the time, a sensual touch or kiss, a kiss on the back of my neck, a hand on the small of my back, stroking is seductive, what else can he do with those hands? Having every inch of my body licked, kissed and caressed.

Think about how you feel when she scratches the back of your head.

Listening/conversation skills:

Again, I was not surprised. Woman want a partner they can talk to. Be engaged in the conversation, trust me they always know when we are not paying attention. Specific comments: Reflective listening (with eye contact), we have to talk after sex, shares his thoughts and feelings, someone easy to talk to about any topic.

These women are all in relationships with lucky men. Remember if you are struggling with your relationship with your wife you may not be intimate right now. As you work on yourself to become a great man, the kind who leaves a legacy remember these things:

Make her laugh.

Look into her eyes when you talk with her.

Listen when she is talking, really listen.

Have fun, make her laugh.

Plan dates try new things.

Be playful and fun.

I will close with a final thought. Women like a man who is a good kisser and likes/enjoys kissing. They made it very clear that they do not want to be kissed just on the lips. Back of the neck, hand, all over, every inch of my body.

6 Ways To Turn Off A Woman

A few weeks back I wrote about what women find sexy. I had a ton of great feedback. These same sexy women were also asked “what turns you off?”

Honestly these answers did not surprise me. These half dozen plus women are confident, sexy and successful. Exhibit these behaviors on a date with them and they would quickly be done with you.

1. Being more interested in your phone than your date.

2. Not being prepared to be present when we’re together.

3. Not texting/calling for days.

4. Being angry about life.

5. Overbearing cologne or generally smelling unclean.

6. Trying to fuck on the first date. (unless we both want to!)

Being more interested in your phone than your date:

This should not be a surprise. A woman you take out on a date would like you to actually be interested in her and the date. Put the phone away, pay attention to the sexy woman you are taking out. 

What is your priority the sexy woman you are with, or the score of the baseball game?

Not being prepared to be present when we’re together:

A number of the women discussed this. You need to be present, not thinking about work or other issues. Look at them when they are talking, don’t turn every conversation into something about you. Look into their eyes and listen to them.

Not texting/calling for days:

If you are interested in her this is not Jr. High. Let her know you had a good time. Take two minutes to send a quick text. "Wow that was fun last night. Can't wait to see you again."

Don’t ignore her all week then think on Friday you will reach out and say hi. Women want to know they are not a secondary thought.

You do not have to call every day! A quick text can go a long way. Make sure they know you are thinking of them.

Being angry about life:

I may have had an angry phase during/right after my divorce if I am being honest. It lasted a couple of months maybe. It is normal, and most women are not going to date you if you are newly divorced, they know you need to work through it.

Now if you are 5 years post divorce they don’t want a guy bringing extra anger and drama into their world. If you are angry it will act as woman repellent. You need to deal with your shit and address your anger/shame.

Overbearing cologne or generally smelling unclean:

Almost every woman in their list of what is sexy referenced a man smell or subtle cologne. But easy on the Axe Body Spray guys! There is to much of a good thing. You should not be going through a bottle of cologne in a month or two. A little goes a long way.

While I was not surprised about the comments about too much cologne the smelling unclean and body odor comments on the what turns a woman off surprised me. I mean don't we know to shower and look good if we are going on a date?

Trying to fuck on the first date. (Unless we both want to!)

If it is a great date it might have an even better ending with clothes on the floor. Nothing wrong with that.

The comments were about a guy’s attitude and pushing to get laid. The sense that you are only interested in sex and not her.

You should have one agenda on a first date, having fun and learning about the sexy woman you are with. Other than a good night kiss if it is a good date you should have no expectations.

Trust me if you hit it off you will have plenty of time for hot sexy fun in the future.

You don't have to go to the funeral.

"You don't have to come to the funeral."

That's what my best friend Mike said as we discussed his dad's decline an impending death. He was being polite the funeral was in St Louis 4 hours outside of Kansas City and he knows how crazy my schedule is.

I do remember my response I kind of laughed and said "you don't get to decide that."

Mike is that friend who was there with me through the divorces, the ups and downs of life, and was there for me with the death of my dad.  

I was a little concerned whether I be able to make the funeral due to contractual obligations. My part time job as an entertainer is not something that I can always get coverage for on short notice. 

Mike is the kind of friend if he called me at 2 in the morning it said I need you to come help me move a body I would ask where to meet him then I would get up get dressed put on some old sneakers I can throw away and go grab the bag of latex gloves I keep in the kitchen for when I'm handling jalapenos. 

And yes I would help him move the body because he's that good of a friend. 

Fortunately those who have dealt with cancer understand that the decline was quick at the end still Mike got to spend couple of days with his dad over the last two weekends making 4 hour each way trip. 

Mike's dad passed away Saturday, funeral was today. I'm dictating the rough draft of this with tear filled eyes as I drive along I-70 towards St Louis.

I have no shame in admitting that I was teary-eyed and crying through most of the service.  It isn't all that long since my dad passed away.

Working with men I talk about becoming a great man.  I talk about spending time with and having male friends. 

I watched a great man's casket lowered into the ground today.

What makes this more difficult is I have stayed at his parents house with him close to a dozen times. His parents are wonderful people and I've gotten to know them well over the years.

We stayed there on our trips to St. Louis and they always welcomed me into their house like I was their fourth son, that crazy Dennis the Mets fan.

When you have friends like Mike you do what you need to do can you drive to St Louis for a funeral because there are things far more important than work.

As Mike and his brother were talking about his dad they talked about one of the two things their father told them about raising children. 

"Treat them like guests. If they spill milk help them clean it up and get them another glass."

We would never yell at a guest who spilled a drink in our house but how often have we yelled at our kids when they spill something? 

That point hit me dead center.  Made me think of the times I yelled at my kids and how it probably wasn't necessary in hindsight.

I thought that message needed to be shared with all of you men today.

That's why I do the work that I do because I am a much better man than I was two decades ago and want to help others on this journey.

Treat your kids like guests.

Take a few minutes to call your mom or dad.  Make the extra trip to see them while you can.

We were sitting on the patio when the screaming started!

My girlfriend and I were having dinner and drinks with another couple enjoying a wonderful evening on the patio when suddenly cursing and screaming came from a female voice three tables down.

It was a little confusing at first then we realized one woman was standing screaming and cursing at another woman sitting at the adjacent table. It became obvious pretty quickly that it could go to blows so I readjusted my chair since the spectacle was behind me and I really thought I might as well enjoy the show as I'm far enough away we won't get involved.

The woman being screamed at stood up and as they got closer the screaming got louder and this is what I noticed it both women were at a table with a man.

These men were did something amazing -- both men kept their mouths shut and didn't get involved.

They added no energy to the embarrassing emotional behavior. The table next to the screamer realized it might get physical and they actually got up and left the patio area. At this point I was wondering where is the manager?

Truthfully, I shouldn't admit this, I was kind of looking forward to the brawl that was about to happen thought it would be good entertainment. That's when the woman being screamed at sat back down and the loud mouth aggressor said “that's right that sit your ass back down bitch” and that's when she popped back up.

Right before the fight started the manager came out before they got to blows.

The manager separated couples I'm not sure if he threw them out of the restaurant or not he should have but he calmed the situation down, quieted them down, sent one couple inside and talked to the outside couple then went and talked to the couple with the loudmouth who started it all.

She had perceived a slight from the other woman that is what set her off. Then both tables were empty and the offending parties were gone! 

The valuable lesson that I teach guys all the time is if your wife or girlfriend is having an emotionally upset moment/fight/outburst/episode---whatever you want to call it.

Don't add energy to an emotional situation.

This means do not try to justify or explain anything -- you're using your logical brain and she's in an emotional state nothing good is going to come from that all you're going to do is anger her more.

Somehow these two guys knew to keep their mouth shut. If they would have tried to say “hey babe lower your voice” or “there no need to yell” the anger would have been directed at them instead of this other individual for a perceived slight.

Guys we do this all the time! We have an upset girlfriend or wife and we try to explain, we try to justify, we try to use logic when she’s in a highly emotional state.

It's basically trying to calm a situation down where the two parties speak a different language.

First just listen, not to respond but to understand. Keep your voice calm ask clarifying questions then listen to what they're saying and what's upsetting them. If you see they start to circle back and start repeating themselves, or are just so upset they can barely speak you may need to end the conversation with the promise to revisit it at a later time when you've had a chance to think about it.

Top 10 things women find sexy!!!! Part II

So last week was part one of the top ten. Let’s quickly recap the top 5:

1. Confidence

2. Sense of humor

3. Direct eye contact

4. Sensual touches

5. Listening/conversation skills.

This survey included more than ½ dozen women range from 40’s all the way up to 60’s and beyond. Trust me you would be lucky if you got to date any of them. Dating some of them could give you a heart attack. These are women you wish you could date.

I told you last week this is not a scientific survey, this is a survey of real life sexy women. When asked these women said they would love to have sex 3 or more times a week. Yes you read that right.

More than half the things they listed that make a man sexy had nothing to do with sex. I have been trying to get guys to understand that foreplay for the weekend begins on Wednesday, if it has even stopped since the last time you were intimate.

So here is the rest of the top 10 things women find sexy list and then some of the specific comments from them.

6. Intelligence

7. Compliments

8. Take Charge/Lead

9. Take Care of Himself/Sense of style

10. Date Planning/Kissing

Intelligence:

Intelligence was mentioned by almost every woman. They want a man they can have a meaningful conversation with from time to time. These sexy women are all smart themselves- high powered job, some own their own businesses. Specific comments: Men who are intelligent, I really enjoy mental stimulation, makes the physical so delicious, and I find intelligence very sexy.

Compliments:

Women appreciate a sincere compliment. Why would you not tell your sexy girlfriend or wife just how amazing she looks? Remember guys saying you are sexy when you are both naked in bed may be true, but it is to easy. When is the last time you told them what a great mom they are?

Specific comments: Specific compliments-“you look great in those jeans” NOT “you look good”, tell me I’m sexy, when and when not making love, you look amazing in that outfit.

Take Charge/Lead:

Now we are not talking 50 Shades of Grey- though you might be surprised how many of these sexy women enjoy a good spanking! Take charge lead, but don’t be an asshole. Specific comments: I like a man who takes charge, sometimes I want to be taken, invite me to join you, have a plan.

Take Care of Himself/Sense of style:

Sexy women want a man that looks good. Quote the caught my eye-“don’t have to be rock star handsome or eve 6 pack fit” but you need to look decent. They were clear, proper fitting jeans go a long way.

Specific comments: Every man need to find “his style and thing”, properly fitting clothes-build does not matter just wear a proper fitting pair of jeans, a well dressed man-in a suit or a nice pair of jeans.

Date Planning/Kissing:

Can’t say this surprised me to be honest. Women like a man who plans dates. I make this topic part of my coaching practice and have consistently had men tell me the women will tell them how much the love a man who plans an evening! While I enjoy going to the movies, dinner and movies does not count as a date for me. You cannot talk to your date, you are either eating or in the theater.

Specific comments: Plans dates, tries new things, letting me decide whatever but from choices he’s supplied that shows he knows what I like. Enjoys kissing, kiss me like you mean it, kissing more than just my lips.

Three of the women mentioned food, either in the bedroom or just being able to cook. I can personally attest to the power of being able to cook guys, it differentiates you from the pack.

I know most women who work love to have a man who can cook so it is not always their responsibility. Nothing is more enjoyable than cooking with my girlfriend or making her dinner with no agenda just to eat, relax, and maybe enjoy a glass of wine and each other's company.

Some closing thoughts/things that were mentioned:

Someone who truly cares about my happiness and safety.

Caring and attentiveness, genuine.

There are lots of thing-many seem small but the often get our attention and set a man apart from the rest.

Romantic.

Being spontaneous.

Having a kind heart.

Holding a door open for me. 

Remember if you are struggling with your relationship with your wife you may not be intimate right now. That does not mean you cannot give sincere compliments, be the confident, flirty and fun guy as you work on becoming a great man, the kind who leaves a legacy.

The Importance of Family Dinners

What can Greg Popovich head coach of the San Antonio Spurs and 5 time NBA champion teach you about the importance of family dinners? Turns out quite a bit!

ESPN did a wonderful story on Pop and his family dinners. Read the ESPN Article then come back for the rest of the article.

Are you sitting down each week at least three times or more to eat as a family? I know your kids have soccer and baseball practice and games, and you and your wife are busy. Believe me I have lived it, and heard the excuses.

Great men know that sharing a family meal is good for the spirit and health of all family members. This means no television and no cell phones during family meals. This is a time to relax, catch up and have some time together as a family.

Have little kids? Maybe you cannot be a sommelier like Popovich, but what if you served the kids a juice tasting instead of a wine tasting? Making it fun! Describe the juice like the sommelier would make it a memorable meal for your kids. Let them vote on their favorites.

Men are you cooking meals for your family? If the answer is no why not? If you lack cooking skills then grab a giant pizza from Aldi, a pre-made salad or two and boom easy dinner. Is your excuse that you are to busy? One word, crock-pot.

Crock-pots are awesome if you are busy. Throw in a beef or pork roast or a chicken, put some veggies in turn it on low and dinner is ready when you come home!

To have good family dinner time you do not have to slave away for hours cooking a fancy meal. If your kids are younger you might even have them help you make dinner.

How long does it take to make spaghetti and pre-made meatballs? You could have a dinner for 4-6 people of spaghetti, meat balls, salad, and garlic bread made from start to finish in under 30 minutes!

Me I love to cook so I slice up and saute zucchini, red peppers, mushrooms and onions and use it to replace some of my pasta to make it healthier.

Another tip is to cook some extra food on the weekend for meals during the week. If you are making a casserole or lasagna, make a second one and freeze it for future use. Meal planning based on your weekly schedule can make week night meals less hectic.

Some of the benefits of family dinners are:

• Family meals provide an opportunity for the family to come together.

• One study showed that children who regularly had family meals were less likely to experience symptoms of depression and less likely to use drugs.

• Children that have more family meals together in a week (5-7) were shown to have better grades.

• It’s cheaper! Some estimates that a household can save $20-$40 a week per person by simply eating at home.

• It is healthier as family meals are more nutritious and families eating together are twice as likely to eat their five servings of fruits and veggies.

Family dinners do not have to be just dinner. How about a big breakfast on the weekends? What a great opportunity for the family to come together before the busyness of the weekend begins.

Kids love pancakes and waffles. Have fun, get them involved and spend more quality time with your family around the dinner table.

Do you want your legacy to be the fast food drive through or that the family made spending time breaking bread together a priority?

I feel guilty about......

Is a statement that is a pretty common phrase for the guys the men’s groups I belong to when it comes to doing things with other men or doing things for themselves.

The irony is that these are the activities that help them become better men. Great Men.

Doing things for yourself is not selfish unless the only focus in your life is yourself. One of the ways to help minimize this guilt is to be sure you are fully present and engaged when you're with your family and wife.

This means not being enslaved every beep ding and notification on your phone. How about you put that phone down and actually play with your kids! The phones and apps are made to be addicting. This addiction is more prevalent than heroin addiction.

Take 10 minutes and turn off all the social media notifications.

My phone makes no noise when I receive texts.

When is the last time you received a legitimate emergency text?

The reality is if we are truly present with our loved ones, we bring a higher value, better version of ourselves to the table.

When we do this, as we are also letting our wives or significant others have their time, there should be no reason to feel guilty when you make time for yourself.

Should you feel guilty about taking care of yourself and doing things with other men?

No.

However, ask yourself am I being a jerk about how you do it? Are you waiting to the last minute to tell her about plans you made? Not cool. But if you are looking at the family calendar and factoring in the family and the wife in planning my needs there is nothing wrong with that.

If you inform her today about plans 10 days from now, and if at the last minute she throws a fit what should you do? Keep your plans, her forgetting does not mean you change your plans, regardless of how mad she gets. Go do what you had planned. You can say “sorry you forgot babe” but you had plans made and you will see her when you get back.

Some guys have a weekly get together with buddies, others every other weekend to go along with monthly poker games. If you are taking care of business at home there is no reason to feel guilt.

You are allowed to have an amazing life. Now go do it!

"I'll try anything once, probably even twice" she said

She smiled as we were discussing blindfolds, following directions a the playful world of BDSM. You could see she had an thought dancing in her mind. She was newly divorced; I was the first guy she dated.

We had been dating and intimate for a few weeks.

Yes many women enjoy this type of activity as do many men. There's a reason 50 Shades of Grey sold the tens of millions of copies that it did.

Something many people seem to forget sex besides being wonderful, sex is supposed to be fun! You need to be able to laugh when things don't go as planned and enjoy the time with your erotic partner or loved one.

How does one go about bringing up that you are into kinky sexy fun?

Well you can thank 50 Shades of Grey for making it something that was brought more mainstream. A few things you can do is slip in some light spanking or dirty talk during your play. Pay attention to the response and do not overdo it.

Some of you would be shocked that one survey showed that 95% of the women said they enjoyed being spanked in bed. I am not. My last 5 partners all enjoyed it.

Often if you want to play with blindfolds spankings and bondage the key lies within you. Trust, your attitude, and the energy you bring to the situation will impact the answer you get from your partner.

You don't start talking about bondage and tying a woman up at your first coffee date!

Well not usually. 😈 I would consider that a red flag. But when dating I am very open and forthright that I am not the typical boring guy when it comes to the bedroom.

The other component to all of this is confidence. You don't kind of, sorta wanna, if it's okay with you can I blindfold you, as a way you're discussing it. Nobody wants to be blindfolded by that guy!

You paint a picture of how erotic it would be and how hot she would look. “Babe seeing you blindfolded would be so sexy.” When she is being fun and teasing toss out “careful babe or I may just put you over my knee and give you a spanking.” See how she responds. A good time for this talk is after a good sexy romp. You are both in th, good endorphin released state, so open discussion is easier.

The woman who said she try anything once smiled at the thought of entering my house, locking the door, stripping naked and walking down the steps, putting on the blindfold that was waiting for her without a moment's hesitation and then to kneel on the pillow as she was instructed.

That was exactly what she did the next Friday night.

Trust had already been established and I don't lack confidence. If you are a happy single or divorced man playful and confident and this area intrigues you, there is no reason not to explore it.

My freak meter is fairly accurate and I have often been on a coffee date and known within the first three to five minutes if we were compatible based on a joke, or a little innuendo. The smile received tells me I have somebody who is receptive to my playful adult nature.

I am more bold than a lot of guys, but that is me. If you are not like that you may need to bring it up in conversation. Some of you are thinking how do you just bring that up in conversation? When you see some out somewhere in full leather clothing, a joke about BDSM or 50 Shades might give you an indication to their inclination.

If you use dating apps a comment about being open minded or adventurous will almost always bring discuss from like-minded people. 

Remember confidence is the key. You have to know what you want and be willing to share that with your partner. Remember this is journey to be enjoyed by both, not a sprint.

Play ball!

It’s that magical time of the year, the start of baseball season. I am a baseball fan and there is nothing that brings happiness as the beginning of spring and the joy and optimism of the start of baseball season.

I have fond memories of going to baseball games with my dad as a little kid. This was always the highlight of the week when I got to go to Shea Stadium.

It should not be a surprise that I created the legacy of going to opening day with my kids. It began with a job transfer the October before moving me 2 hours away from my soon to be 4 year old son. I promised him that I would be home with a new job and take him opening day.

The picture of the baseball was the one they gave out that day, I have left it in the plastic to preserve it and it has for 22 years.

I can always tell you when I started the new job by looking at the baseball, it was the Tuesday after opening day. I delayed my start by one day because I promised my son.

We have gone to a lot of ball games, but there was something special about taking my son, and then my son and daughter to opening day. We did it from the time he was 4 until his sophomore year of high school were, he felt he could not miss class.

I created the legacy of opening day with my son. Opening day for the Royals is Thursday my 4 year old is now 26 and in Florida playing golf for a few weeks, I am working. Neither of us will be at opening day.

Last year the family went back to NY for a memorial mass for my dad. The next day, father’s day I took my son, nieces and nephews to Yankee stadium to a baseball game. (The Mets weren’t in town.) It was my nephews first pro baseball game.

But in three weeks my son and I are going to St. Louis, catching the Mets on Friday night, golf on Saturday morning followed by the early afternoon game before we head back to Kansas City. This weekend will be another one that gets added to the memories.  

Below is my son and I at game two of the Mets-Royals World Series. Great memories. Spring is here so I have a question for you.

Game two Mets-Royals World Series!

What memories, what legacy will you start with your children?

Your Valentine's Day Playbook!!!

Valentine’s Day is the best day ever!!! Right?

This is only true for chocolate companies and florists! Their favorite holiday is coming up and I bet you are excited too. But will your wife be excited?

Many of you are going through a tough time. So, is Valentine’s Day a blessing or a curse?

If she has not been having sex with you for months or has been asking for space, how do you think she will be looking at Valentine’s Day?

I can tell you in one word. PRESSURE.

You could buy flowers, chocolates or plan a big night out. But, if she doesn’t recognize anything you do now what makes you think she is going to hug you, kiss you and say let’s go to bed? If you’re honest you probably know she is going to roll her eyes, go PFFFT, and walk away.

Be honest with yourself. Will this attempt cause a positive or negative response? If you are doing this to get validation from her you can expect a negative response and an unhappy Valentine’s Day.

When you are trying to fix things at home the last thing you need is to apply more pressure…real or perceived.

Get her a card instead. And that's it.

Do you have daughters? If you do plan a night out with them. This assumes they are younger and do not have boyfriends. Valentine’s Day is busy and overpriced so consider going out the night before or after or even the weekend before or after to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Put your energy into the ladies you love.

If you also have boys at home then plan on doing something with all the kids. Leave a bottle of wine and some bubble bath and let your wife have an evening to relax. I have a gorgeous redheaded friend and I told her about taking the daughters and or all the kids out so she could have some time alone. She added the thought about the wine and bubble bath. She said it was “divine” to have 3 hours with no responsibility, taking a relaxing bubble bath and having some wine.

If you do not have daughter(s) go out with your son, have a boy’s night out. No kids? Go doing something fun that you want to do with buddies (who are single).

I don’t make a huge deal out of Valentine’s Day and I NEVER do flowers on it. Buying flowers is an easy cop out in my opinion. I also never do flowers on birthdays, anniversaries or mothers' day.

I do flowers on a Wednesday........for absolutely no reason. Stop thinking of flowers for just your wife. When is the last time your bought flowers for your daughter for no reason? Want to make an impact? Before this week is over buy your daughter(s) flowers for no reason.  

You are working on becoming a great man, establishing a legacy and modeling to your daughters what a good husband and father looks like. When you walk in the door she will ask if they are for mom. Be ready and give a response like "No for you. I saw them, I thought they were beautiful and thought of you so I bought them." Or, "I realized I haven’t bought you flowers in a long time and thought these were almost as pretty as you, so I got them for you." Make the comment heartfelt, make it you! You could put them in her room in a vase so she finds them when she comes home. When it comes to flowers it truly is the thought that counts. Find a small mixed bouquet that looks beautiful and is fresh.

I’ve learned that adopting this plan and mindset gives me a far better chance of having a wonderful Valentine’s Day than going over the top for someone who doesn’t even want to talk to you.

You got this.